And I hope he will find acceptance and love
I know people change in time but not as much and not as drastic. So I am going to leave him after the baby is born, I wish I could do it now but I want him to see his baby. I thought of just leaving him and don’t allow him to bound with the baby so he will not suffer, but he will. As you can see I can’t even see him a woman. When he talks with me about becoming a woman it is tormenting me, it is painful that I am worried for the baby that will have health or mental problems.
On the other hand it hurts me to know he is going through this and I can’t be there for him, I was there for him when he was bouncing around and he would not have the job, but now it’s too much for me to deal with and I also thought of suicide to get out of his way to let him be who is really without adding more guilt on him because he is hurting me and the baby. I was praying to universe/god/demons/angels to tale my life away. But I am responsible for the baby, he will not be able to handle the change, the baby, my pain. I have to be there at least for the baby. I feel that my life is over I am almost 40 and I know I will not be able to trust and feel in love, and I will not be able to look at him as my wife or partner, I know my boundaries I know my foundation.
So I feel like I am living with a corps in my house, my husband corps. I want his to be free and happy but that is opposite of being with me. I am sad I can’t offer him those and I will live with that guilt but I can’t live tormented like I am doing now. I hope you see that you are more free than you think and your situation is lighter than mine, life is full of risks but maybe you need to analyze the risk before your take it, it might or might not be worthy.
Hello Amanda, I can so relate to you and your concerns and feelings. I know it felt really good to get all that off your chest. I read your post and realize I am not the only one. Rather I relate to yours the most. I am so trying to be supportive yet I don’t know how far I can go. Everyday it is the first and last thought of how I can handle this. Right now I am reading She’s not the Man I Married. So far it sounds like “us”, rationalizing our thoughts and trying to check it out be supportive and understanding. I will be glad to give you some feedback if you like. There really is no one to talk to in our situations . My husbands therapist suggested I might need my own therapist. Wow, this is not the life I sighned up for but I’m not ready to throw it away either. I too need all the help I can get. JanC
I hope you respond
Wow. I am NOT alone. I have been married to my husband for over 15 years and have been with him for over 22 years. Two years ago almost to date, my husband came out and told me that he was transgender. He told me this only after finding out that he was having what he called an “emotional affair”. I guess he told me b/c she already knew he was, and was afraid that she would talk to me about it , but only after she tried to make contact with me. Long story short, he has not had any sort of contact with her and we have since moved on past that. Some past info for you: Over the years he had seen two doctors for what he swore to me was due to him having an enlarged prostate.